RETAIL ROLL OF HONOUR

The dark earth smoulders twixt broken bodies strewn

Whilst pale ghosts dance to a deathly tune

Now is as good a time to tell

Of all our beloved friends that fell.

Tis hard to fathom the devastation

That cursed this war torn island nation

Friends young and old, some frail, some meek

Some in denial of their losing streak.

This verse is dedicated to dearly departed Debs

And a rag tag smattering of sorry urban sheds

Like cavernous Oak Furnitureland

where you can’t see the trees for the wood

Or sleepy Benson Beds, best avoided if you could.

Oh Forever 21, you were far too young to die

Though she still remains the apple of her father’s roving eye.

What happened to old Hawkins was, frankly, quite Bazaar

And Bon Marche was, sadly, never destined to go far.

Surviving world wars one and two

Was not an easy thing to do

So just imagine how it feels

When a microscopic virus eliminated Beales.

Weep not for the lovely ladies who suffered a terrible fate

They were middle aged, out of place, unfit and over weight.

I refer of course to Wallis, Dotty P, and Burton too

Taken to the cloud by angels, that’s why we cry Boohoo!

Throats slashed open with a deadly sharp razor

Bled quietly to death like the House of Fraser.

Soletrader died on the battlefield alone

Antler packed his bags and wandered off home

But you cannot charge a serving soldier to roam

(Unless you’re Carphone Warehouse or Vodafone)

The loss of those with children seems particularly unfair

Like cuddly Mamas & Papas and loving Mothercare

Your choice of burgers too is considerably diminished

Now that GBK and Byron are virtually finished.

Go Outdoors he ran away and is never coming back

Whilst mighty DFS up and swallowed Feather & Black

And yes, Victoria’s Secret is well and truly out

Though frankly it was nothing much to write home about.

A couple of ditzy hippies were disposed of in an instant:

Mad Laura Ashley and crazy Cathy Kidstone.

Much loved Warehouse suffered a massive heart attack

Whilst poor old TM Lewin lost the shirt right off his back.

The army that lost the greatest number of lives

Was the battalion of chefs all brandishing knives.

Leading from the front is never very easy

Just Ask, Cafe Rouge, Bella Italia, YoSushi! Wahaca, Wasabi, Pizza Express, Pizza Hut, Carluccio, Jamie Oliver, Itsu, Revolution…and Zizzi.

Lest we forget Quotidien, Hummingbird and the artisan bakers

Yes, the strongest of our fighters have gone to meet their makers

There are amputees aplenty in this fearful goddamn place

Like poor John Lewis, M&S and Paperchase.

Some say they saw Oasis holding up the rear

Turned out to be a mirage and not distinctly clear.

Accessorize & Monsoon drowned together in a storm

Resembling twin Ophelias…but in army uniform.

Far too many lives were lost upon this bloodied field

Oliver Sweeney tripped and died in his fancy heels

Alongside Aldo, the Shoe Zone and beautiful Bennett LK

Only the bravest foot soldier will return another day.

Our war photographer Jessop, he was absolutely fine

Until an unknown enemy missile came hurtling across his line.

A group of Yankees scarpered home to be closer to their mothers.

The deserters’ names I hear you ask? J Crew and the Brooks Brothers.

Some spirits they were lifted in the war to stay alive

But Pier1 decided it was best to simply take a dive.

A pair of dismal troopers died, neither men I know

One by the name of Peacock, the other M&Co.

Bandaged up like zombies they stagger up your street

With smashed and badly severed limbs limping to retreat

Oddbins, Clintons, TJ Hughes and Kikki K

Most are mortally wounded or stitched together in some way.

I must avoid salaciousness, as your solemn narrator

But Evan’s earthly departure did leave a plus-sized crater

Twas not an easy year for the fuller of physique

(just ask portly Philip Green about his winning streak )

And what of the loss of Topshop? Well it hurt an awful lot

Vanished over the horizon just like a super-yacht.

The carnage was extensive and the list is way too long

The bill will be expensive but the battle will be won

So when you see the Covid-reaper dancing up your street

Remind him in a year or two we’ll be back upon our feet!

For our soil has now been watered by a thousand merchants’ tears

On seeds that have been planted for a good two thousand years

Pushing through the ashes you’ll spot us green and strong

For this is my clarion prophecy, and remember…I’m seldom wrong.

Follow me on Twitter @retailfuturist for daily insights and wry retail based musings.

  Howard Saunders   Jun 08, 2021   Uncategorized   Comments Off on RETAIL ROLL OF HONOUR   Read More

THE REBOOT

Looking back it was obvious really. Ridiculous rents and rates marching onwards and upwards meant eventually something had to give. For years our high streets were kept teetering on the edge, terrified of change and too poor to try anything new. Switching off the global economy in 2020 resolved all that overnight. Yes folks, the retail reboot is here.

When it comes to predicting what’s next for our town and city centres the general consensus seems to be that everything will shift online apart from the edge of town space-age supermarket, manned by robot shelf stackers and illuminated by Minority Report style hologram-ads. But rest assured, this is the vision of the techno-nerd, and techno-nerds are experts in misunderstanding humanity. Their vision of the future won’t happen for one simple reason: we don’t want it.

But we have changed. Lockdown, has taught us a lot. We probably bake a bit more, or read more than we did previously. We’ve learnt how easy it is to buy online and have it delivered the next morning. Posing with our feet next to a parcel for a doorstep snap has become part of our daily routine. But lockdown has also taught us what we secretly knew all along: that shopping was never just about buying stuff, it was about getting out and having fun.

What’s more, now that we’re armed with that magical little black slab of glass, (that smart device that carries the sum of all human knowledge with us wherever we go) our expectations are primed for take off faster and higher than Elon Musk’s Space X. We have access to everything now, we compare notes too, and cannot be suckered by your seductive advertising like we were a mere decade ago. Today we’re connected, we live at the centre of the universe with our eyes wide open, and we’re crying out “whatever you’ve got for us, it better be good!”

The world has changed too. There’s no doubt that 2021 is the year retail sheds its skin. It’s also the year we draw a line under the ever-rising rents and rates that thwart fresh blood from flowing through the arteries of our towns and cities. Call it the Great Reset if you like.

But while we’ve been stuck at home watching Netflix, the cleverest brands have been plotting and planning new and exciting ways to tell us their story, entertain us, inspire us and put us at the centre of their universe. They know that the online world alone can never do that. And they know that they cannot simply reopen their stores the way they were in 2019. They’ve learnt a lot too and very soon they will gather up all their online knowledge and data and drag it into the real world to create truly immersive brand experiences that know exactly who we are.

So, in our cities the rich multinationals, (the brands that sell us the stuff we want but don’t need) will build spaces, places and pop-ups that make a mockery of that little word retail to encompass events, exhibitions, social spaces, work places, leisure hybrids and workshops to provide us with an ever changing array of branded entertainment. The old model (product in the window, stock on shelves and out the back) will make way for engaging spaces that immerse us in a brand’s story. Their job will be to get into our brains and our bloodstreams, not to sell in the conventional sense as they won’t care where or how you finally get hold of their precious wares.

We’ve already witnessed this from global behemoths Apple, Samsung and Nike who have created ‘stores’ that are part town square (Apple, Chicago & San Francisco) stores that are more of an events venue (Samsung, New York & London) or stores that are ever-changing exhibitions (Nike House of Innovation, New York & Paris).

These are the places where technology can really enjoy itself. Stores will be aware of your arrival, know how many milliseconds you paused over their new product on social media, know your tastes in fashion, music and how often you exercise in order to direct you to things that can be tailored especially for you: limited edition, numbered, tracked and even insured… all you have to do is swipe your thumb. Here, the online and offline worlds will meld seamlessly, with you at the epicentre.

More flexible leasing will finally allow brands to show off and have a bit of fun without signing up for ten years at a time. So our shopping centres will become venues for product launches, branded experiences and pop-up exhibitions like the Samsung Experience in London and the Adidas Originals exhibition in Seoul, shown here. The empty boxes left by our dearly departed stores will open up a thousand opportunities. Some will be converted to digital interactive leisure concepts such as Toca Social’s football based games (opening at the O2 this summer) or e-racing concepts from brands such as Zwift (zwift.com). These brands will kickstart a retail revolution tentatively entitled ‘competitive socialising’. Other big box spaces will become health and beauty hubs offering fitness and yoga sessions, lunchtime botox, teeth whitening and de-stress injections.

By contrast, much of the future will also be about reinventing the best of the past. Back in our towns and suburbs you may have already noticed that the age of the independent is returning. Your local butcher, baker (and candlestick maker) have been given an electrifying lease of life, heralding a decade of young innovators and entrepreneurs desperate to revitalise our communities now that rents are set to be somewhat more sensible. They’ll open funky new bars, delis, health food stores and restaurants on more flexible terms, which in turn will make for a more dynamic local retail scene. Our luckiest towns might even see their moribund concrete shopping centre replaced by a glazed market hall, brimful of fresh produce and eateries, not unlike the Victorian ones we demolished in the sixties.

So don’t listen to the techno-nerds. The stage has been cleared and new players are waiting eagerly in the wings. The audience has greater expectations than ever before and, oh boy, we’re determined to get out and enjoy ourselves. We want to experience things we’ve never even thought of. We want to see pop-ups and wacky brand collaborations. We want to hang out in big, breathtaking dining halls and cosy, artisan coffee shops and delis. We want our fast fashion chains to host start-ups and our favourite national brands to promote young talent in their branded incubators. We want to go to concerts, exhibitions, product launches and festivals of music, food and culture, and we want to join local clubs and go to workshops in the evening.

Above all, we want to live again. It’s obvious really.

This article was commissioned by my good friends (and loyal client) Aptos.

  Howard Saunders   May 06, 2021   Apple, Food, Future, Retail, San Francisco, shopping, smartphone, technology, Uncategorized   Comments Off on THE REBOOT   Read More

DEAR BORIS

We need your help urgently, but the good news is we want you to do absolutely nothing.

I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that retail and hospitality have been utterly devastated since the C-word arrived, but I’ll tell you anyway. Only the richest stores will survive, only restaurants with serious cash in the bank will make it through. Hundreds of thousands of our shops, bars, pubs, clubs and restaurants will never reopen I’m afraid, but by doing absolutely nothing you can save them.

The truth is, the pandemic has hurried along the inevitable. It has reached into the future, grabbed it around its stupid, skinny neck and dragged it kicking and screaming right onto the doorstep of number ten. But don’t worry,  I have the solution.

I don’t have to spell it out but, sod it, I will: The economy is like a giant flashy wristwatch: an incredibly complex but highly sensitive mechanism that’s taken centuries to find its natural rhythm. Some of it runs fast and smooth while other bits clunk along reluctantly, but when it’s working it interconnects every single one of us so that the girl that bakes the bread for the sandwiches that feed the railway workers that get the trains rolling that take commuters to their offices to design and make the stuff they sell in the shops to enable our lovely baker to buy the things she needs to keep her life ticking along nicely. Well, that’s the idea anyway.

But over the last few years, with each new regulation, with each incremental increase in rent and rates, we could only respond by passing on the extra costs to our increasingly bewildered customers. There’s a clue something’s going awry when it costs the best part of five quid for a basic double decaf latte with mocha sprinkles.

On top of all this, national chains with hilariously ambitious spreadsheets often paid above market rents, which in turn hiked the prices for the rest of us. Increased rents meant increased business rates and so click by click the delicate mechanism was ratcheted tighter and tighter until…well, you know what happened.

(By the way, when you next bump into Rishi please thank him for all his help. Getting paid to watch movies for a year was a bit of a novelty at first, but now everyone’s completed Netflix, frankly we’re bored witless.)

Please don’t think this is a plea from a special interest group or a specific corner of the market whining for extra help. No. Our high streets, our shops and restaurants are the lifeblood of everybody’s community. No one will be unaffected by the retail apocalypse when the shockwave hits later this year. Reality bites and this time it will leave a fatal wound, for sure.

Look, I get it. I get that you need to increase taxes. I even get that we don’t really have to balance the books like a household budget because it’s more important to show a decent long term credit record. (Otherwise what sort of a madman would spend £100 billion on HS2??) I also understand it’s all about legacy, but here’s the thing, we’re at a crossroads now Boris. Continue where we left off in March 2020 and you will be remembered as the PM who ushered in the era of the ghost town, the tumbleweed community, the lost generation…you get my drift. You enjoyed the taxes when times were good but, let’s be honest, taxes are brakes on growth. And no sane person could believe our communities need slowing down right now.

That’s why I’m asking you to do nothing: Abolish business rates, simple as that. Stop the clipboard army of surveyors and measurers, calculators, adjusters and valuers. Stop the rate reviews, rate review delays and banish the rate collectors. (The cost of the admin-mechanism must be…well, hundreds of millions alone). Imagine, bringing an end to the endless fighting, disputing, negotiating and renegotiating, all of it solved overnight. By you.

And please don’t consider rates holidays or strategic delays to our punishment. Telling a child you won’t slap it until next year does not make for a well balanced upbringing.

Boris, simply remove your foot from our collective necks, stand back and fold your arms as the whoosh of energy tousles your iconic mop. Oh yes, it will be instant. Watch as our lungs balloon with oxygen, our eyes snap open and the entrepreneur in us awakens, alive with the long forgotten electricity of enthusiasm. No longer will our towns feel locked down by the likes of Costa and WH Smith. Given the chance we shall reclaim them. Our children and our children’s children will once again grow up knowing that their local high street really is theirs, and that one day they may bring their own ideas to market. 

Unlocking our nation of shopkeepers Boris, this should be your legacy. Unleashing the army, not of taxers, naysayers, measurers and restricters, but the gargantuan hidden army of muffin makers, cake bakers and dressmakers, the sandwich toasters, chicken roasters, electronic fixers, baristas and cocktail mixers alongside specialists in house cleaning, dog preening and bao bun steaming. These people, these are the good people that will get the arteries of Britain pumping again, and only you can make it happen. 

Do nothing Boris, that’s what we want. Nothing is more important right now.

These images of closed and shuttered shops and restaurants were taken on the anniversary of our first lockdown, in Kensington, Chelsea and Soho, the UK’s wealthiest postcodes.

Follow me on Twitter @retailfuturist for daily insights and wry musings.

  Howard Saunders   Mar 24, 2021   Uncategorized   Comments Off on DEAR BORIS   Read More