The Grinch hated Christmas and the whole Christmas season
And this year, especially, he had a good reason
Watching in anger from his room upstairs
Passers by were unawares
“Two metres the man from WHO had said!’
He screamed in frustration, both hands on his head,
“Do they not know that they’ll end up dead?
It’ll serve them right to be dead” he said.
Then he’d roll up tight and play dead on his bed.
“I hate you all!’ He’d whimper as he wept
Sobbing to sleep, he wept as he slept
He slept and he wept and he whimpered galore
Till no weep was left in him, then he wept a bit more.
Not leaving the house unless fully hazmatted
For the health of HIMSELF was all that mattered.
The Grinch was alone in perceiving the threat,
(Though no one that mattered had died of it yet)
In fact, he desperately hoped that it would
Wiping out Whoville would do them all good!
“People in restaurants and pubs are the worst.
They go there for fun, not for hunger or thirst!”
The Grinch hated those who enjoyed their lives
Frequenting bars, having lunch with their wives
“Hadn’t they heard there’s a plague on the loose?
I hope you all choke on your mince pies and goose!”
Over indulgence is now out of bounds
Not Santa, but a killer, is doing the rounds.
“It’s a beautiful thing to forbid such fun,
To see shoulders slump and faces turn glum
At this the most irritating time of the year
I rename it Grinchmas! Do I make myself clear?”
Tis a little known fact Christmas shopping can kill
So say the signs in the town of Whoville.
If it doesn’t kill, it will make you all ill!
And he crossed his Grinch fingers and hoped that it will.
“Shopping for gifts they can’t possibly need
Is nothing short of reckless greed.
Risking their lives for crackers and cake
From greedy stores, all on the make
Laden in tinsel and snow that is fake.
Stay home and bake if you must have a cake.
It’s just another day, for Grinch’s sake!”
Grinch regulations come fully endorsed:
Two households per household, but you must stay indoors
With windows wide open for the passage of air
No mistletoe kisses, seems perfectly fair.
Doom mongers and Grinches, hear what they say:
“Tomorrow will be a gloomier day”
Whoville, once the liveliest of places,
With bustling bars and smiling faces
Succumbed to the mighty fist of the WHO
WHO knows precisely what’s best for you.
For security and safety are top of their list,
No stone unturned, no detail missed.
To keep us all far from harm’s way
By abolishing Christmas and Christmas Day.
Carols are banned for the air that they vent
This invisible killer, it has no scent
Singing’s illegal, well that’s what they meant
For Grinch this virus was heaven sent.
Our new religion is called The Science
And masks the sign of complete compliance
Voluntary prisoners, what could be worse
For the Maskers of the Universe?
The Science is serious, if somewhat grouchy
Just look at Chris Whitty or Dr Fauci.
Fauci is grouchy and Whitty ain’t pretty
But Whoville’s not London or New York City.
Grinches are cold, judgemental and mean
And everything bitter in between
Less buying, less eating, less drinking, less being!
Is it any wonder that Grinches are green?
They do not care one jot for your life
Nor for your uncle, or your uncle’s wife
What gives a grinch its daily thrills
Is revelling in other’s ills
To turn you cold, like the blood in their veins
Their ups are your downs, your losses their gains.
They cannot bear to see joy or success
All that you own is considered excess.
Fewer humans is what this planet is needing
And we need laws to stop them from breeding!
Grinches should rule, free from distraction
Malthusianism in a chain reaction!
Grinch flu this year is highly contagious
But enjoying its curse is beyond outrageous
We can’t beat the virus but surely the cure
Is a Christmassy heart, open and pure
Full of embrace, yes let’s take the risk!
Put that at the top of your Christmas list.
The moral of this tale? I hear you ask
Is to set you a challenge, a Christmas task
Say no to The Grinch in 2020
Our future is strong, our hopes aplenty.
The Grinch is the virus that infects every nation
But Christmas spirit is our vaccination!
Thanks to Dr Seuss for the inspiration. Now follow me on Twitter @retailfuturist for more devastating insights into where we’re heading!